“At times, I feel overwhelmed and my depression leads me into darkness” ~ Dorothy Hamill
I read in the newspaper, Metro News that a professional boxer/fighter had committed suicide. He has been battling depression since he was about 14 years. Based on the dialogue in the paper and the description by the family of this man’s experience, I decided to write a poem.
This is for those that can relate to similar situations.
If I could step into your shoes,
How drastic will my world change?
Will I see a mirage of darkness?
A place covered with smoke?
Will my skin crawl with pain?
Will my heart pound like thunder?
Will my head sink down?
Will my eyes turn to glass?
And shatter from every sight of joy?
Will my words become fewer?
Will my voice turn to whisper?
Will my ear turn deaf?
Will my world turn to a cave?
Will the sun turn dark?
And my days be like winter?
Will I notice all this?
Or will this become my new normal?
Will my friends grow away?
Will my family become weary?
Will prayer become a song,
That can’t reach past the ceilings?
Will I get tireless of seating?
Bent back so that I can speak
To a professional that seems to listen
But never understands?
Will the doctor create another?
Another note to remind me
That the pills are not working,
That I should try another?
Will this phase of life ever leave?
Or will I be doomed?
To maybe take my own life,
When I don’t see the purpose in my breath.
And for those that care,
Will try to speak life into me,
To remind me of gratitude,
To remind me of how there are people
In worse conditions than me,
Perhaps fighting terminal illness.
Having life and not wanting it,
Oh, the irony of life.
I might not see your deepest desire,
I might not see what joy looks like to you,
I might not see the fight for life daily.
But this is my prayer,
That you learn about grace,
And you will see life as that
Things are always bound to change,
But grace is assured.