How Does It Feel?

 

“It is health that is real wealth and not the pieces of gold and silver” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

 

Sometimes I wondered what it meant to be a Doctor

How it felt to save lives,

Sometimes I wonder how the days go by

With revolving doors of needs

“Show me where it hurts,” they say

With people in hope that they run away from pain

Gasping,

In anticipation

For what seems…uncertain

 

Sometimes I wonder what it means to take the responsibility

Of saving someone’s life

When will you give up on the person?

When is your work sufficient?

 

Sometimes I wonder how it feels,

To say that maybe the doctor could not do any much better

That maybe now you should look to the heavens

And perhaps pray for a miracle

 

Sometimes I wonder how it feels,

To hold that prestige

With long nights and short days

With lost relationships and short lived friendships

To those that didn’t understand your dream

To those that didn’t understand your lifestyle

 

Sometimes I wonder how it feels,

To experience failure in the profession

Because mistakes are part of the lessons

But it is expected to be flawless

Laying out all the information consumed from school

But are we not humans and not gods?

 

Sometimes I wondered how it feels,

When you ask yourself why you became one

Doubting your own abilities

Because someone will always be smarter than you,

Someone will always make you feel…incompetent

Because you might want to embrace another lifestyle

Because the person that started this journey is now changed

The transformation was not planned

Will this be called courage to let go?

Or coward to give up?

Sometimes I wonder how it feels,

To meet the flaws of the system

To experience the world differently

To question your perspective

To change your thinking

 

Sometimes I wonder how it feels to be a doctor

To take on the burden of education

And to educate with a burden

That the better you become,

The more you will be sought after

And the seeker becomes a hunter

 

I respect the field,

Not because of the wages,

But with all the responsibilities that come with it

And for those that strife to fight

With every drop of blood in them

To fight for a cause

To fight for something they believe in

Because at the end

 

They know how it feels to be a Doctor,

To cater to the needs

To serve

To improve

To remain sane when things get ugly

To be the North Star in times of despair

 

Because life itself is…sometimes unpredictable.

 

©Kihek

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