Shredded

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“Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.” ~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon

This piece is dedicated to individuals dealing with anxiety. This piece attempts to exemplify the internal experience of anxiety. Share your stories or thoughts!

***

I wish that I could have a conversation with anxiety. I hope that I could sit down and ask questions like; “why are you here? what are you telling me?” Often it feels as if I am constantly in a cycle of highs and lows. I want to rest, I want to be able to sit down and capture the moment. I want to cast memories in the present time. I have been sad and happy. I have dealt with confusion by eating into deep, loitered emotions. I couldn’t comprehend what my own body was turning into.

I wish I could see a screen. I could view an x-ray of the activities beneath my skin. I wish I could hold my hair back for a little longer so that I can finally reveal the shape of my face. But each time I lay down to rest, my mind wonder. I begin to think of scenarios that haven’t existed. I whisper thoughts of discouragement as I fathom words from my breath.

I wish I could be held by someone I confide in. The taste in my tongue has grown sour. I have licked dust from my experiences and the tone of my voice grows heavier. I pray to lay and rest. I pray to lay and not weep. I pray to kiss the warmth of the sheets and be steadfast in my restful state. But I am still weak and fragile.

The hunger that has carried me through, the sorrow that has stained my voice with dusty words, I am in lost of words to describe my feelings. Anxiety. Let down your guards. Let me come home. Let me be home.

 

©Kihek

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